How To Overcome Low Self-Esteem

85% of the world’s population are affected by low self-esteem. Source: The self-esteem book, Dr Joe Rubino.

Now that is a stunning statistic, definitely not in a good sense.

What is self-esteem? You may ask!

Dictionary dot-com defined self-esteem as “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.”
synonyms for this term include:
self-respect, pride, dignity, self-regard, faith in oneself.

I have been around people with very low self-esteem (mostly religious or church people) and in the past, I had wondered why some of these people suffered from this menace, however, it became clear after I closely investigated the possible cause.

You see, self-esteem talks about the “self”, but from a religious standpoint, we consider anything that promotes the “self” as bad, although God Himself doesn’t, in fact the Bible is full of self assuring powerful affirmations that can change people’s lives for the best, see for yourself… What does the Bible say about self-esteem? However, there are people with varying and contrary opinions about how we should treat ourselves in order not to appear conceited and prideful, their intentions might not be bad but the way they go about it produces damaging results to the individual’s self-worth. Proponents of this belief system engage in derogatory self talks such as I am dumb, I don’t deserve this and that, I don’t expect big things to happen unless God comes down from heaven, I am not good enough because of my sins, I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things etc. These people are quick to judge others who are their stack opposite, call you names and associate you with negative phrases such as you are prideful, you are selfish, you don’t ask for advice, your heart is not right and you need to check it to find out why all of a sudden you have become so bold and confident lol, you will go to hell if you don’t repent and humble yourself, and the list is inexhaustive. So in order to fit in, majority of the people go to war with the “self” either consciously or unconsciously, being propelled by deceptive religious dogmas that seek to hijack the mind with the sole purpose of enslaving the freedom of thought that God has so freely given to us.

What is the percentage of religious people globally?

84 percent of the world population has faith; a third are Christian. “Worldwide, more than eight-in-ten people identify with a religious group,” says a new comprehensive demographic study of more than 230 countries and territories conducted by the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion & Public Life.

84 percent of the world population has faith; a third are Christian

Funny how 84 percent of the world population is religious and the percentage of those suffering from low self-esteem account for about 85 percent. It can be inferred that majority of these people belong to one religion or the other.

I will speak as a disciple of Yeshua (Jesus Christ). My believe in God through Yeshua should not enslave me, I shouldn’t feel less of a person because I am a Christian, in fact, I should feel so much power, confidence, poise and every good thing that follow the decision of becoming a disciple of Christ; The Truth Sets Us Free. I am glad to say that more than before, I am very confident, I have very high self-esteem, I love myself and others, and I love God because I chose to read the Bible for my own convictions and I don’t care about religious dogmas and false doctrines that are all over the place to enslave people.

How Can You Break Out From This Low Self Esteem Menace?

  1. know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made by God the creator. Is it true? Find out.
  2. Avoid people who constantly make you feel worthless, who want to teach you how to think or act. People who micro-manage you, who tell you to change from who you are to who they want you to be by imitating exactly what they do. Maybe imitating certain aspects of things you like about a person isn’t that bad but remember that there is no iota of originality in imitation, and what is more? it is a betrayal of the self. In my opinion, imitation has more detrimental effects than the it benefits as highlighted by these two articles: 3 Ways Imitation Can Kill The Innovation Inside You, 5 Reasons Why You Should Simply Learn and Improve Instead of Imitation. Don’t get me wrong, you can imitate someone’s faith, enthusiasm, drive, positive affirmations etc. but for goodness sakes why imitate how someone walks, talks, preaches, eats? why imitate their style? what about your style?
  3. Be around people who support you. Good friends who listen and speak to you from the heart, who enjoy spending quality time with you (maybe a cup of coffee every now and then, a walk in the park etc.). Those who want to genuinely walk with you and see you improve and achieve incredible things in life. People who ask about your problems and genuinely listen and never tell you what to do but only offer advice if and only if you ask for one (or who ask to offer you one if you are too shy to ask).
  4. Embrace inner voice modification. Come on! no one is an island; there are times when we feel so low especially when we feel we are not where we ought to be in comparison to others (trust me you want to avoid comparing yourself to others), that we begin to indulge in negative thoughts that do not benefit us in any way. In these situations, you must modify your self talk, filter all the negative thoughts that flood your mind and only hold on to the positive ones. Yesterday I was with a friend who was telling me how his week went and somewhere in between the story, he pretty much affirmed that he was a very dumb person. I allowed him to finish, however, I suggested he modifies his use of self descriptive words because they have profound effects on our emotional and psychological wellbeing. We make bad decisions that place us in awkward and bad situations but we are not those decisions, we must not associate our identity with those mistakes but only learn from them and move on. Avoid damaging self talks like “I’m such a fat pig, no wonder I don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.”, “I hate my job, but no one would hire a loser like me.”, “I’m such a failure.”, “I’m so dumb.”, “I will never amount to something in life.”
  5. Accept that you are not perfect. Honestly, people who suffer from low self-esteem are those who compare their imperfections to other people’s supposed perfections. Truth be told, no one is perfect and you have to realize this fact and focus on your strengths and embrace your weaknesses.
  6. Set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time bound) goals. The fear of failure is one of the reasons people don’t like to set goals, but you have to know that if you don’t fail, growth is unlikely because if you don’t try new things, you cannot advance, and when you try new things, sometimes you will fail. It is alright to fail but it is not alright to quit and accept that you are a failure, you have to be resilient and accept that failure is a springboard to success, in fact the most successful people had the most failures. Use the SMART model when setting your goals and clearly state why you want to achieve them. For instance, I will write 3 articles about thought leadership this week (beginning from 4/30/2018 – 5/7/2018) to inspire my readers to lead themselves better, I will run a 3k every morning to improve my physical fitness, I will save 30% from my pay check every week to pay off my debt etc.
  7. Take calculated risks and be resilient. How do you feel about those who took risks and followed through their dreams and later became successful? Inspired and motivated right? That’s right! You too can become that person whose story would inspire others to dare and become who they were born to be. But is not going to happen unless you act; I would have loved to guarantee you that you will succeed but I am sorry to disappoint you, there are no guarantees but you wont know how it will all turn out unless you act. One thing I can guarantee you though is, as long as you don’t give up, as long as you continue to improve yourself, persevere in the pursuit of your dreams by taking practical steps to see them come through, you will succeed.

I am not a therapist but I can support you in your quest to attain high self esteem. Just use the “Contact Form” in the homepage and send me an email.

What do you think about this article? Leave your comments below and please share, your friends may find it helpful.

check the following articles to help you lead a more productive and fulfilling lifestyle.

10 Quotes To Inspire You To Never Give Up

Myths About Self Confidence

Top 10 Self Confidence Building Quotes

Top Quotes To Help You Build Your Self Esteem

How To Become Who You Want To Be

It Begins with Self Love Part Two

This is the concluding part of the series I started a week ago. As you read and assimilate, please take the practical steps suggested to practice love for self and others.

Please leave your suggestions and comments below

4 tips toward building a loving world

  1. Self love is selfless. selflessSelf love is not when you take care of yourself at the expense of others, we have to believe that we all have an immense impact on our surroundings and when we choose to take advantage of people so we can feel better about ourselves, the ripple effects extend beyond our imagination. Show yourself some love by accepting who you are, honestly you cannot change your person because God intended it that way, there is no other person like you in this whole world, think about this; in a world of over 7 billion people, no one else has your finger prints, now this is cranking, you are uniquely made and you have to come to this realization and love yourself more. The good thing about this thought process is that, it helps you to look at yourself and others as gifts to the world to bless it with the uniqueness’ that we possess. This brings me to my second point.
  2. Self love celebrates her uniqueness. Celebrate-Your-UniquenessAs highlighted above, we are all unique and hence have our unique selling point (USP) that is different from everyone else, what we need to do is to find this USP, develop it and then bless the world with it, with this kind of mindset, we compete with no one but ourselves and hence appreciate and love others as much as we love ourselves. No wonder Jesus said, love your neighbor as yourself, this is not too difficult to do when we realize that we are different, unique, and distinct but someway somehow we all came from the same creator. Have you ever sat down to think of the fact that out internal organs are exactly the same irrespective of color, size, and status etc. Accept, appreciate, and love yourself some more.
  3. Self love is gracious to herself and others. Younger sister offers comfort to her big sister after a fall.I will tie this point to the first, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, however most of us tend to be so critical to ourselves, we beat ourselves up for falling short, for not measuring up to standards set by others or even the ones set up by us. One thing we might not know is that we indirectly treat others the same way we treat ourselves. Do you have a very critical person in your life right now? watch their life closely, they are probably very critical of themselves, desiring perfection in everything when we know that we are not perfect and are only pursuing it. Show yourself some grace, I am not saying your should welcome mediocrity and pat yourself on the back when you make mistakes, what I am saying is that know that we are not perfect and whether we like it or not we will fall short at some point; therefore, be gracious to yourself and learn from those mistakes and move on with your life. This mode of operation (MOO) will help you extend grace to others when they offend you or fail you at some point.
  4. Self love is non-judging. pexels-photo-685532.jpegThis point ties in very well with point number three; truth is we judge ourselves because we want everything to be perfect and apparently lack grace. We go through our day judging ourselves because we are either not satisfied with our looks or pay too much attention to the things we cannot change, the sad thing about this is that we extend this to others unknowingly. We see someone walking or sitting in front of us and in a split second we make inaccurate judgement calls by subjecting them to our insecurities and imperfect standards, the result, we lose the opportunity to interact, make friends, influence, and inspire change in people’s lives. Resolve to abolish this mindset of judging yourself and others, accept and embrace yourself and others then you will experience the joy and peace that comes with loving yourself and others unconditionally.


It Begins With Self Love! Part One

Looking at the world today, one will be right to say that there isn’t enough love for self and others. This reasoning is valid because figures don’t lie, there are facts everywhere that point to this truth. Funny enough, I dare to say that most people don’t even know what self love is, talk more of love for others. This could be down to upbringing, growing in an unloving, critical, and judging family or surrounding yourself with people who are always bitter and resentful.
In this article, I will write a bit about self love and how we can apply some of these principles to our lives and extend same to others to make our communities better. The sad truth is that we cannot give what we don’t possess and this means that until we love ourselves unconditionally, we cannot love others.
Curious about the effects of lack of love in today’s world, I went to google trends and I typed “How to kill myself” the results were shocking. The figures are for a period of 12 months from March 5th 2017 to February 4th 2018 and these stats just tell us that our world is broken, take a look at the visualization I did using Tableau software below.

The question is, why would someone want to deliberately kill themselves? Your guess is as good as mine. There is no love in this world and because we are constantly looking outwardly for love and happiness, we are often disappointed, and the result of course is depression, sadness, impure thoughts and we ultimately choose the easier path to end it all.

I have outlined four things we need to be aware of in order to have a loving world, stay tuned for part 2 in a couple of days!