How To Find Your True Self

Bibobra Michael Alabrah

“The greatest tragedy in life is not death, but a life without purpose.” – Dr. Myles Munroe

Who Am I?

The answer to this thought-provoking question will change your life forever because you would have to dig deep into your very foundations and question your values and principles upon which you have built your personality and formed your philosophies about several aspects of life.

Is it important to know who I am?

Well it is not important if you don’t want to become who you were made to be, if you are comfortable been led by others in every aspect of your life (lack of self-believe in yourself), if you are afraid to face the truth, if you are afraid to be honest with yourself, if you are afraid of your uniqueness, if you love to be in a bandwagon(follow-the-crowd or go-with-the-flow or no-independence-of-thought), if you love to hear other people’ stories of success and triumphs but are not ready to discover and unleash yours, if you are comfortable hiding yourself under the ugly face of insecurity and self-hate, if stories of near-misses inspire you, if you are happy and satisfied with where you are, and finally if you are convinced that you are at your best and don’t need to find that missing link. If these descriptions reflect your thought process then you don’t have to read further, but if they are a stack opposite of what you desire, then congratulations you have come to the right place, and I promise your life will never remain the same again.

How are we influenced as we grow older?

  • In the womb, we were 100 percent free from the outside influence, I cannot say if we had thoughts but if it were to be then they were independent and free from influences as well.

I like to think of a new birth as a unique solution to a unique problem that the world currently faces or that she would face in the future. Hence, every conception was divinely orchestrated for a divine purpose.

  • Life starts when we are born! I wonder why babies cry at birth, could it be because we are now out of the comfort and security of the womb to the awakening of this harsh world? I doubt if anyone knows why. But from there on, the baby depends on the parents for food, warmth, love, and survival generally; however, after some months or a few years, he/she realizes that they are separate from the parents and the intrapersonal conflict kicks in, the desire to do as they please versus the need to strike the balance between harmony with family and ‘self’ sets the tone for an epic inner battle (the battle between the role as a child and individuality).
  • As we begin to make friends and even welcome a brother or a sister, the responsibility and the influence on our individuality increases. Our peers pressure us to try out things and at the same time we are pressured to be of good character and uphold the family values which often than not we do not always agree with. Gradually, we are influenced by so many things that our individuality never seems to see the day light however hard it tries to come to the fore.
  • Just as Petroleum Engineers explore for oil and gas in the deep seas and the weirdest of places, so a child begins exploration, we begin to ask more questions, the need to explore and find answers is increased, our natural instincts begin to surface but so also is the pressure to conform to acceptable norms. We want to know the things that make us happy or sad, the things we love etc., this quest provides us with some answers but again we are caught up between satisfying our innermost desires and doing what everyone else expects of us. For fear of being scolded or rejected we often succumb to fit in, and this affects almost every aspect of our lives, from the choice of food, music, clothes, hairstyle, to the kind of people we hang out with etc.
  • The gap between our individuality and conforming to the rest widens even further when we start college and decide on our majors. Often than not we abandon our innermost selves as we bid to become engineers, doctors, nurses, pharmacists, etc. and wrestle to become the best of what society has designed for us rather than truly becoming us. Of course, some will never go to college but we all have a common point…job… where we are all expected to fit into a box and deliver expected results…conformity at the highest level.
  • Ah we are here now! After all is said and done we still feel empty, unfulfilled, and maybe left wondering about our legacy. Um… the time of self-reflection beckons, reality sinks in, yes, I have a house, a car, a family etc. but then I still feel like there is something missing. We then seek to reconcile ourselves to the very purpose for which we were born in the first place, those who are lucky may find their way back but those who are not, will just leave unnoticed, like they were never here, the purpose for which they were born was never reached and the earth is deficient in that area because of their lack of understanding and knowledge of the self.

These influences confuse us to think that our roles are who we are. That is why you meet someone for the first time and they introduce themselves as thus:

Hey! I am Michael. I am a father of 20 lol,

A loving husband, I have 13 sisters and 5 brothers…just kidding

I have an awesome job working as an engineer at X-company.

As you can see that is a typical introduction and all that it highlights are roles. We must separate our roles from who we are, I know this is complicated but I promise to simplify it as we continue this journey. Just grab a cup of coffee, recline on the couch, I will be right back!

Photo Credit: pixels

Boom…. Examine your life!

Why should you examine your life?

Well according to Socrates “An unexamined life is not worth living.” Self-evaluation will help you with:

  • Self-Discovery: pexels-photo-316681.jpegthere is truth in Socrates’ statement. Why? Of what use is it if you are not living your life but someone else’? barely existing as a human being is miserable that is why everyone desires to live life to the fullest. Self-examination will help you to unmask the fake-self that has replaced your true-self, it will help you to see the difference between who you truly are versus who you think you are, it will help you to dissect and separate yourself from the achievements and roles, it will present to you thought-provoking questions that will break the superficial satisfaction you attach your self-worth to, and finally bring you face-to-face to your true self.
  • Self-Awareness: pexels-photo-622135.jpegthis is the second reason you should examine yourself. After you discover your true-self, knowledge of the self becomes paramount…Loa Tzu remarked: “The one who knows others is wise, but the one who knows himself is enlightened.” Now you must become aware of your inner emotions, thoughts, desires, strengths and weaknesses, the things that make you thick, your instruments of peace and happiness. You must reconcile yourself to your PURPOSE.
  • Self-Acceptance:smartphone-face-woman-eyes-122428.jpeg is one thing to know who you are, another to accept it. Having had the full knowledge of the self through self-awareness, you must accept the challenge that was divinely orchestrated for you to live life rather than just exist. Honestly, when reality sets in, when we are faced with our purpose, we could become nervous and scared, is all right to be afraid but now is not the time to run away, rather, it is the time to accept who you are and enjoy the journey. There will be somethings that you may not like about yourself but instead of rejecting those parts of you or being in denial, you must accept the things you cannot change and change the ones you can.
  • Self-Appreciation:pexels-photo-269583.jpeg it is awesome to accept who you are because you are unique. But it is not always easy to appreciate ourselves especially if we wish we were someone else visa vies feeling inadequate…thoughts of how I wish I was taller, had blue eyes, long hair, more handsome or beautiful, and the list continues. We mention all the things we wish we had while forgetting all the awesome things we have. Listen, no one is perfect, that person you wish you were like him or her, wishes he/she was someone else or even you. So just accept yourself for who you are and appreciate and love yourself because this is the only way you will be happy, satisfied, and fulfilled.
  • Become:pexels-photo-926982.jpeg the last thing is to become what you were born to be, explore the world from its length and breadth, search for all the arsenals you need to achieve your purpose, refuse to limit yourself, dream as big as you want because there is no crime for doing so…allow your imagination to traverse you to places no one has ever thought of and bring them to reality. Discover, dream, and explore so that at the time of your passing, the world will consider herself blessed to have had you graced her with your beauty and uniqueness because your imprints will not go unnoticed.

The conclusion of the matter is knowing who you are, accepting and appreciating cum loving yourself is not only beneficial to you but to everyone else. So, who do you think you are? Who are you truly? What are the things that make you…you? The world is waiting for you to self-actualize, what are you waiting for? Would you accept the challenge to find yourself and become who you were born to be?

Hopefully I have inspired you to find yourself! Thank you for reading.

What do you think about this article?

Please leave your comments and share!


Author: Bibobra

I am inspired to encourage, inspire change and transform lives.

29 thoughts on “How To Find Your True Self”

  1. Well said. I am struggling to be myself in front of certain people. Do you think that we should change the people in our friend circle in order to find people whom we feel comfortable to be with?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading Ooi. Appreciate your comment.

      Changing the people in your cycle will not make the difference if they aren’t the problem.

      You want to ask yourself why you aren’t comfortable with them. Is it because of your own insecurities and lack of self appreciation? This is a good place to begin!

      Once you find your true self and follow through the steps highlighted in the article, they will filter themselves out and you will only attract your kind.

      Let me know if you have any more questions.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I am happy that it was helpful. Feel free to reblog and even share to others who might find it helpful.

          In case you have any questions, use the contact form and I will be sure to respond asap.


  2. I think self awareness is something I can lack at times. I try to be a lot of things and focus on who I want to be, but I need to be aware where I’m at to keep moving ahead. Insightful

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Getting to know oneself is totally different from getting to know a peer, a partner, or a boss, etc. Sometimes meeting others are fully superficial. We always try to make the greatest first impression. But in reality, there is that sense of imprisonment within our hearts that only we, ourselves, know. I agree that most people just go with the flow. I find myself in that position most of the time. This article helps you think more about who you really are. You might not have the answer yet, but it gets you started on realizing that you need to be freed. Thank you for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Every time I open this blog to a new article it gets better and better. This is very strong and inspiring a lot of people really need to read this. Thanks for sharing this with us

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Guy this article is amazing man. Made some really nice points too! Going all the way back to when we were in the womb, to mentioning bandwagons, etc. Very relatable to a lot of people today!

    Liked by 1 person

          1. I guess we are doing the same thing bro in our own unique ways. It takes some heart to wish to transfer positive changes that have happened to us to others. But that’s the only way we grow. That’s the way this world becomes a better place.

            Liked by 1 person

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